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Mmm Mmm Maple

Mmm Mmm Maple

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"My new favourite wood! I whip it out for big parties, small get togethers and even just for that special someone." ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

$69.00 USD
$185.00 USD $69.00 USD
Sale Sold out
Size

Let's face it. 

Regular old charcuterie boards just won't cut it these days. Because when it comes to playing host, you're going to need a board that impresses, delights, and ultimately, makes you the cock of the town! Perfect for bachelor/ bachelorette parties, gender reveals, brisses, Pride parties, birthdays, and phallic celebrations of all varieties, Cockuterie Boards are sure to capture the hearts of cock lovers everywhere!

Cock Attributes

🍁 Made from rock hard Canadian Maple wood
✋ Rubbed, oiled, and finished by hand
🔨 Guaranteed to last extremely long
🧴 Treated with 100% food-grade oil so you can swallow with confidence

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When in doubt, whip it out

Handcrafted with love and designed to amuse, Cockuterie boards are perfect for bachelorette parties, girls' nights, or just a fun evening at home. A conversation starter, an amazing gift, or because... why not, we've got the right board for everyone.

Make sure the Bachelorette is FULLY equipped!

No bachelor/ bachelorette party is complete without super on-brand charcuterie board that closely resembles everyone's favourite piece of male anatomy! I mean those bagels are just BEGGING to be handled 🤤

Although it's pretty explanatory...

Frequently Asked Questions

But why dick-shaped?

Get out...

Does Size Matter?

We all know that size matters, especially when it comes to charcuterie. Here is how you can think about it when determining what size you are looking for:

The Grower - 15 inches: Ideal for date night, or small groups of 3-4 people max.

The Shower - 24 inches: Best for hosting/ gatherings of 5 people and up! Can easily accommodate up to 20 people

I want to make sure my cock lasts a lifetime, are there certain care instructions?

There sure are!

• To clean, gently wipe board with damp cloth, do not put in dishwasher
• Apply cutting board wax every few uses to maintain its shine and luster
• Slicing directly on board may result in cut marks, be careful near the tip!
• Each board comes pre-treated with 100% food-grade oil, however , certain foods may stain surface (berries in particular).

What is your handle so I can tag you when I post on social?

PLEASE tag us in any videos or photos you take with the boards, unboxing videos are our favourite! @cockuterieboards

You're a genius! Is Cockuterie Trademarked?

We are in fact trademarked! So if you come across any knockoffs let us know and we'll bring the hammer down together (pun most certainly intended).

Does it make for a good gift?

You will instantly become everyone's favorite gift giver or your money back!