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Dick Shaped Destiny: The Grocery Store Trip That Cock’d My World

It was a day just like any other and, plagued by the same condition as Seth from Superbad, cocks were on my mind just as much as any other day. You see, an empty fridge in need of some replenishing had summoned me to the grocery store. So there I was, wandering the aisles when I stumbled upon my destiny: a display of remarkable, live-edge charcuterie boards, just like the ones you would see in one of those chic culinary magazines. As I held, touched, gently stroked these bad boys, I found myself immersed in their wooden wonder. It wasn’t just for the way they looked back at me, but there was something just so raw, real, and expressive about these sturdy hunks.
Something stirred within me when suddenly a cock thought occurred...what if... these were…shaped like dicks? How much better would they be? How much truer, freer, and funnier would these boards be in the shape of a dick? Seth delicately whispered his resounding approval in my ear and I knew exactly what needed to be done. 
So there you have it! The E! True Hollywood story of how I became a Cocksmith; determined to not only create the greatest dick-shaped charcuterie board the world has ever seen, but - more importantly - provide a safe space for cock lovers everywhere!